Happy Sunday Sugarbush friends! I am enjoying my Sunday morning tradition of sipping my coffee and indulging in my local rag. Locals and in-the-know-visitors who also read the Seven Days periodical, I am sure you join me in appreciating the quirky pandering of the horoscope section. As I am NOT astrologically inclined, I’ll stick to my version of playful stereotyping… so I give to you your “Pour”oscope: après libations based on your skier type.
The Rage-All-Day Skier
You’ve been watching the weather for weeks and we’re not talking about the stock app on your smart phone. You’ve read the NOAA forecaster’s discussion, assessed hydrological predictions and you’ve had your 115mm rockered-out skis tuned for days. It’s a powder day and though the lifts don’t spin until 8 AM, your alarm is set for 5, because when it comes to first chair, you don’t mess around. By 11 AM you’re feeling that slight tinge of dehydration and a crisp IPA sounds about right. But your secret stash itinerary is stacked and there’s no time to stop and kick your boots up. Don’t worry – Kevin’s got you.
“Pour”oscope Prediction: The Lawson’s Finest Liquids collaboration beer “Castlerock IPA” from the grab-n-go menu at Castlerock Pub; a quick, delicious treat served cold in a convenient can for imbibing on-the-go. After all, the trees don’t ski themselves.
The Pond Skim Pro
We first met you when we advertised “ski free this spring with the purchase of next year’s season pass”, and we fell in love with you when you donned a fanciful costume and skipped gracefully across our 120 foot-long icy lagoon. Not a drop on your tutu, not a bead of moisture on your feather boa, you knowingly sidled up to the Wünderbar for your liquid trophy. Emily instantly treated you to the shandy to match your level of fancy and the locals club held your induction ceremony. One of usssss.
“Pour”oscope Prediction: aptly named The Season’s Pass – Light, crisp, refreshing (a breath of fresh spring air, just like you); Citron Vodka, fresh Lemon Juice, Vermont Craft Lager, Soda Water.
Speaking of initiation, you joined the fraternity ΣΚΙ back in 1997 on a bus trip organized by the UVM ski & snowboard club and you’ve been a loyal member ever since. Your family tree has grown to include a rad wife and two little rippers who spend their days chasing around their blazer coach. Jenny helped you finesse your glitter on your mug club mug back in 2016 and your stool at the Wünderbar has your name emblazoned on a brass placard. You bought a house off West Hill Rd that sits emptier than normal these days due to the quarantine requirements, BUT when you do make it to your home-away-from-home, we dust off your mug and pick right up where we left off. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back…
“Pour”oscope Prediction: the “Switchie” aka an ice cold draft Switchback Ale; served cold in your mug club mug.
Everyone starts somewhere and Sugarbush makes it easy, setting you up with lessons, gear, and a season pass through our award-winning ski school program. Your legs are Jell-o but other than the few spills on the beginner hill, you’re feeling like you’re mostly getting the hang of it. Your coach was supportive and kept your pride up and suggested that you treat yourself to lunch at the Castlerock Pub. Nina happily seats you by the fire where you can warm your toes and imagine future-you on her first ride up the Castlerock double. Your bum may be slightly bruised but not your pride! You’re doin’ great, girlfriend!
“Pour”oscope Prediction: the Broken Leg – don’t let the name scare you, it’s delicious; Light Rum & Cold Hollow Cider
The Influencer (a mostly-true story)
You live in the Upper East Side with your 7 roommates. You call them “flatmates” because it sounds provocative. You’ve been surfing seasonally-appropriate TikToks looking for fresh winter content ideas and it strikes you that #skiing #apres could get you, like, sooooo many more followers. After a brief radius check, you decide to high-tail it to the most authentic “Vermont-y” ski resort you can find. Vaughn fits you with a full rental kit. You shine like a microwave in your metallic onesie that an Instagram ad suggested would make you look the part. You pull out your selfie stick and take picture after picture in the base area before deciding to ask the lift operator, Sam, if you can ride the lift up and down or if you “have to, like, actually ski.” 10k likes later, you head to the most aesthetic après restaurant on the mountain for a reward. Lora at Rumble’s Bistro & Bar appeases your request for decent angles as she takes your picture with your cocktail. According to your profile, Life is Good.
“Pour”oscope Prediciton: the North Lynx Mule – Stoli O, with fresh OJ, Goslings Ginger Beer, & an Orange Garnish
The Humble Elite
No one would ever know that you’re in hedge fund management from your modest flannel and Merrill slip-ons. You’ve spent the day disconnected from the fast-paced Wall Street world for your annual vacation in the quiet hills of Vermont. You avoid skiing lift lines and have a non-descript black ski jacket. The only thing remotely head-turning about you is possibly your latest model Stöckli skis. Before heading back to your Rice Brook condo that Kyle kindly helped broker for you 4 years prior (actually, you don’t personally own it, your LLP does as a diversification decision), you check with Margo at Rumble’s Bistro & Bar if there’s room for one at the bar and sit to enjoy your single happy hour cocktail. You enjoy the finer things in life but know when to unplug, set up the out-of-office autoreply, and just be better here.
You rarely miss 100 days a year on the slopes (a run counts as a day, right?) and will go out of your way to ensure you get your scan. You know every lift operator by name and you go by a pseudonym like “ripper” or “sparky” – even your ski pass bears that name – so literally no one knows what you’re actual name is. Is that your actual name? You have been first in-line for Summit Chair for the past 20 years and appreciate a good sun-soaked ride on the rare occasion that Vermont experiences high pressure. After satisfying yourself with views of Lake Champlain, the neighboring Adirondacks, and our Green Mountain neighbors to the north, you cruise down Rim Run for your “morning meeting” at the “corner office” with Zanne at the Glen House. “What’s on the schedule today?” we quip and you respond “you know what they say: ‘early to rise, early to après’”.
“Pour”oscope Prediciton: Walt’s Maple Irish Coffee – Maple Cream Liqueur, Irish Whiskey, Warm Coffee
The Park Rat
Remember when they called it the “Threesome” college pass? How about the “For 20s” pass? Lol. You’re a Champlain College grad having always called the ‘bush home. You even used to rake jumps for a pass for a couple of seasons back in the mid 00s. There are a total of 8 lifts technically at Mt Ellen, but you’d never know that because the only lift you’ve ever ridden is the Sunny Q (RIP Sunny D!). Ski technology has come a long way, as has video editing capabilities. The T’s have gotten less “tall” and the jibs way more creative. Some things never change though: the Parks community is the closest thing to a family you’ve got (except for your actual family, who you also love dearly). Speaking of, mama-dearest still buys you a pass for Christmas and your budgeting skills are questionable-at-best. There’s only one drink for you to pound on the best porch in the valley while your buddy adjusts his bindings at the tool bench… again…
“Pour”oscope Prediction: a PBR Tall Boy Can for $4 at the GML; So classic. So affordable.